sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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