he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
