guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize