that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
