I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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