you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
