I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
