end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A bitchslap is in order.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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