You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
