dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
