At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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