i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
