I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
