...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this just has baby written all over it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
