I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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