weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
