Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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