We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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