You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
