I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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