you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
