3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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