I'm going to jail i love you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
