My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
