Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
