I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
