Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
