like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
