you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
