Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
