My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
