why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
