Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
