What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
high people should be assigned attendants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
