Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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