drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
