she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
