Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
