Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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