Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
