I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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