if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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