you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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