He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
