i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
