i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
