Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
