I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
