would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
