If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
