my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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