It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
