Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize