I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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