im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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