"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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