Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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