I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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