I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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