i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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