He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
