Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
