I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
