Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
