he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
