Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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