Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
