Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
