I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
