So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You smell like stripper and shame
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
