You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Someone came in the potted fern
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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