just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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