I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
