I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
