she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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