I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pants are for mortals
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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