I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
