I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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