Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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