Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
