just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
