Non-Jews are for practice
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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