____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
