Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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