So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
