I want to make a zoo with you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
