Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
