still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
