There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
