That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
